“I love you” doesn’t mean EVERYTHING. – C-Ninja-H
Story Link
Reviewer: yiling245

Title: 2/5

Okay firstly, with “I love you” doesn’t mean EVERYTHING. as your title, it does attract some people to come and click on your story. However, the title itself doesn’t actually tell them what your story actually is about. Also, the full stop at the end of the title is irrelevant as well. That also applies to the capitalisation of the whole word everything. Instead you should have capitalised just the first letter of every word in the title, just like this – I Love You Does Not Mean Everything – So yeah. It’d make you look more professional in writing. Avoid using inverted commas in your story as well.

Description & foreword: 5/10

Firstly for the description, it was just way too short. Try to lengthen it and make the description more interesting for your readers who have just chanced upon your story, not just slap a short and boring sentence in front of their faces. In order to convince them that your story is worth their time, you’ll have to attract them using your description, as that would be the first thing they read. Also, there were some errors in your description’s writing style.

My best friend, Lee jin ki was engaged. I should be happy but i am not.

My best friend, Lee Jin Ki is engaged. I should be happy, but I am not.

Since you used present tense for the back part of the sentence, you should have used it throughout. Remember to capitalise names and the word ‘I’. Next, moving on to your character charts. If you’ve read my previous reviews, you would have known that I absolutely do not like character charts for the stories which I review. Not that I don’t use them in my stories though. If you really need to put a character chart in the description, make it not so obvious of the storyline. Also, make the effort to at least make sure that there are no spelling errors and such in the chart. Once again, capitalise names of characters, including those in the description part of your character chart.

like jinki since the day you and him become friend.

Liked Jin Ki since the day you became friends with him.

Next, the foreword. All I can say is do not put an author’s note there, unless really necessary. I have mentioned this countless times in my reviews, and I think I need to tell that to you as well. According to the dictionary, a foreword is a short introduction to a book. Yes, I took my time to search it up. You don’t have to tell people that it’s another story of yours. They don’t need to know. Do keep what I said in mind for other stories.

Plot: 10/15

The plot itself, I must say, is something that I have seen countless of times during my stay here in AsianFanFics. It’s all like, the main girl meets this guy and accidentally goes to bed with him and eventually falls in love with him. However, despite the plot cliché, the plot twists saved your score as they were fairly interesting as the story goes by.

Characterization: 12/15

Okay; you managed to get the characters’ personalities out consistently and they don’t jump around all over the place and have hyper personalities. However, they are still a little random and sometimes in some places I cannot really get a good grasp of their characters.

Writing style + Grammar & spelling: 10/35

Sorry for the low mark, but I really see the need to correct you a lot on this. If you are unhappy with this mark and do not get why you got such a mark, I will tell you why now. There are a lot of mistakes in the switching of tenses and the non capitalisations didn’t do you any good at all.

"Of course! I can even walked a straight line." I started to walked but i fall soon after a few second.

“Of course! I can even walk in a straight line.” I started to walk but I fell soon, after a few seconds.

Notice the constant change in the tenses. To make your story and writing clearer, you would have to maintain constant tenses. In my opinion, you should get yourself a beta and he/she will help you to proofread your work and basically give you ideas on what to write next. I guess I’ll just list out more examples for you to look through and find your mistakes.

This one has a mistake due to the tenses.

We let go from our hug and she speak up.

We let go from our embrace and she spoke up.

Well for this one, I did not like the way you presented your words at all. It’s very unprofessional. I mean, since you already said they yelled, there is no need to put an exclamation mark there. Also, the three dots after each letter were irrelevant.

"W...H....A....T...!" Both of them yelled.

“WHAT?” Both of them yelled.

This one contains mistakes to do with punctuations, tenses and capitalisation.

The next morning. the beam of the morning sun shine through my windows. i was sitting at the side of the bed making a call.

The next morning, the beam of the morning sun shone through my windows. I was sitting on the edge of my bed making a phone call.

Of course, the mistakes do not end here. There are of course many more in your story and I highly encourage you to get a beta fast. Lastly, the way you make the main female character keep calling Onew ‘dubu’ is irritating, Either get rid of it or use it less.

Ending: -/10

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Overall enjoyment: 7/20

With all the writing errors, it was really difficult for me, an English speaker, to be able to enjoy your story to the fullest.

Total marks: 46/100

It is a pity for you to get such a low mark just due to your writing style. The plot, overall, was fairly interesting and I would even subscribe to it if the sentence structures were correct. You’ll have to proofread your work often, and maybe change your title as well. If possible, correct the whole story on the tenses and grammar. You’ll definitely improve and get more comments and subscribers!

Labels: review