The Next Stop - Joongielove

Story link

Reviewer: yiling245

Title: 4/5

I liked your title personally, but don’t you think it’s a little too boring? Like, so what if it’s the next stop? It’s good that it doesn’t actually give away too much of the story, but the thing is, it just doesn’t tell the audiences what exactly your story is about.

Poster: 2/5

The poster was alright, but it was quite plain. You could have added some characters to it, as the poster is always the first thing, besides the title, your readers would see. Hence, it is very important that you have an interesting poster. I understand that you requested another poster but I still have to critique on it, sorry.

Description & foreword: 9/10

You used the description and foreword to their full use! Good job.

For the description, you could have added in a little bit more to summarise your story to captivate your readers.

As for the foreword, it was good, and it didn’t really give away much of the story. However, at the same time, you managed to at least write out a significantly important part of the story, so kudos to you! A mark was deducted because of the writing style, and I will touch on that later on.

Plot: 25/30

The plot was original, and if I’m not wrong I’ve never heard or read any story like yours. It’s interesting how two people leaving home meet and have a relationship. However, you stated it as angst, and I don’t really get why the theme is angst since it’s like… romance?

Writing style: 12/20

I liked how you expressed your feelings through the words, put there are a couple of errors here and there.

Wrong: It was a cold morning, The coldest morning since December came along.

Correct: It was a cold morning, the coldest morning since December came along.

As you can see, you don’t put a capital letter after a comma. You only do that after a full stop. You did this for the whole oneshot, and I suggest you check on it again.

Wrong: It was his parents problems.

Correct: It was his parents’ problems.

Throughout the oneshot, you didn’t use the apostrophes at all. They are important, and I am really strict on that. Check through your work.

Spelling/grammar: 8/10

For the spelling, there were a few typos here and there, but there’s one I need to emphasise on.

Relived.

It’s relieved.

Your grammar had no evident errors as well ^^

Ending: 7/10

The ending was nice, and I liked it! It was really… serene? It just gave me some peaceful feeling. And that feeling, apparently, is a nice feeling! You also managed to link the ending back to your story plot, and that is good.

Overall enjoyment: 6/10

It was a little plain and unexciting for my taste, sorry!

Total marks: 73/100

Please request again from Rainbow Fountain and remember to post this as a chapter and credit!