I’m Getting Married?! - flowergirls

Story link

Reviewer: yiling245

Title: 3/5

“I’m Getting Married” is an okay title, but it really just gives away too much. I know that it is really difficult to come up with a title that is interesting and yet doesn’t give away too much of the storyline, but your title really just gives away a little too much.

Suggest you change to something else?

Poster: 2/5

I guess the poster was okay, but it was sort of plain. I think it’s mainly because it is black and white, and only the title was coloured. Secondly, Taemin’s shirt has a watermark on it. With that, the poster didn’t really look that good. I also didn’t quite get your quote. “Walking, jogging, running’. It doesn’t even actually make sense to me. But overall, the poster was blended nicely, but it just didn’t catch my eye.

Just adding, the background prevented me from reading the actual text. It’s kind of distracting.

Description & foreword: 7/10

Yes, you used the description and foreword correctly, but the summary and the teaser you put were a little confusing for me. I was reading the description until the phrase “Walking, jogging, running” came out again.

For the foreword, I liked it personally as it made me want to read on about why she had to leave him at the altar. Good job for that!

Plot: 23/30

The plot was pretty original, but I swear that I have seen way too many stories about a girl getting engaged to another guy whom she hasn’t known for her whole life, but you set it apart by saying that the OC’s fiancé was someone she had known for pretty much half of her life, just that she thought that he didn’t know her.

(Okay I’m a fail reviewer I don’t know what I am writing here)

But overall the plot was sweet and nice.

Writing style: 18/20

I liked your writing style, and almost every word you used was used correctly for each sentence. The words you used were all really descriptive and filled with emotions.

However, I suggest that you don’t change the point of views too much. You can say that it is difficult not to, but you don’t see those big shot writers out there changing the point of views often, do you? Changing the POVs too much will confuse the readers more than when you don’t change them.

Also, try not to use emoticons like -_- But I guess one or two wouldn’t hurt.

Plus, maybe try to use italics for parts when the characters are thinking in the story. That’s because with the narration and all the same font, it’s kind of confusing.

Wrong: Umma and Appa are always working on their large business company that Appa became the CEO of, so I'm usually alone in the large two story house we own in Long Beach.

Correct: Umma and Appa are always working in their large business company where Appa was the CEO, and so I’m usually alone in the large two storey house we own in Long Beach.

Wrong: The moonlight shined over him and I could see him clearly now.

Correct: The moonlight shone over him and I could see him clearly.

Awkward sentence: Before I knew what happened, my head snapped into the opposite direction.

This sentence was really awkward, and I was imagining the OC’s head snapping into 2 instead of her head turning suddenly from the slap.

I suggest that maybe you should describe how the OC felt. Eg. My cheek burned/tingled.

Spelling/grammar: 8/10

For spelling wise, it was perfect, unless I wasn’t concentrating properly. Great job for that, as many writers just don’t bother to check their work after writing, and I could see that you put in effort.

As for the grammar, it was somehow inconsistent, but the sentences didn’t sound awkward or weird at all. I advise you to try and check for inconsistent tenses when writing.

Ending: -/10

There is no ending, so I won’t count that in.

Overall enjoyment: 7/10

I liked the plot and all, so here’s a 7! ^^

Total marks: 68/90 = 75/100