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Reviewer: Describe

Title: 2/5

I'm sorry for the low mark, but there is absolutely no need to put that 3 dots at the back of your title. It ruins the professionalism there. Also, capitalise the first letter of each word. 'As Long As You're Happy'. The title itself is not very eye catching nor unique. From my first impression of the title, it is rather obvious that a character will give up something to his or her lover, just to make him or her happy. Change it to something more unique and more relevant to the story plot. Maybe like 'Running For Love'?

Poster: 1.5/5

This poster only shows the main characters of the fiction, and the title isn't even that outstanding. Add a quote below to give readers a better idea of what would happen in the fiction. The photos of the characters are also rather low quality. It doesn't capture the attention of readers, which defeats the purpose of having a poster there. I suggest you can request for another poster! :D

Description and Foreword: 8/10

Congratulations on using both segments correctly!

I have given your description a 4.5 mark. Well done! The 0.5 mark is lost due to a minor grammar mistake. I love your description, it makes me want to find out more on the description. (:

For your foreword, I have rewarded you with a 3.5 mark. Do put who's point of view the foreword is in. Anyway, maybe you'll like to put a 'preview' as the header. It causes readers to think that the story actually continues from there, which has slightly confused me. Also, you may want to add a brief introduction of the main characters, but at the same time not revealing too much about the plot. Overall, the content of your foreword is intriguing!

Characterisation: 12/15

I liked Yejin's bubbly character you have brought up in your fiction, but try to bring out more of this personality in this character. Oh yes, and the cursing part in the airport scene is rather contradicting to the character. I understand that you have already explained why she had cursed, but maybe you can replace it with a cute curse, like 'Oh my mama!' or something like that? For Eunhyeon, you have mentioned in your fiction that she hates to hear Yejin's high pitched voice, and she did not want her to go to Seoul with her (as seen from chapter 2). Then why are they still best friends? It's rather contradicting. During chapter 1, I felt how wronged Eungyeon felt and wanted to kill the step-mom, literally. However, you can bring out even more feelings in the character. Maybe like:

I touched my lips and felt the familiar texture. Blood. Even though I got used to such torture, it had still hurt. Biting my lips, I tasted my own blood. I felt like breaking down, letting my tears flow freely. But no, not in front of this bitch. She did not deserve my tears. I shut my eyes, choked back my emotions and continued to endure the pain.

As a result, I've deducted 3 marks from your characterisation, you still got a high mark! (:

Plot originality: 11/15

I loved your plot! It's not too ordinary, but there are still cliché parts here are there. Many fictions have their characters' parents being drunkards and mistreating their children. What I liked about your plot is about using this cliche idea to get a rather original flow, which in your fiction's case, is running away and having a new life. I deducted 4 marks because of the cliché parts and also it's rather obvious they're going to meet the guy of their dreams, get some troubles, but in the end be in a relationship and prove their step mums wrong?

Writing style: 12/20

Your writing style is your most fatal flaw. It was really a let down actually. ):

Firstly, too much capitalisation here and there. Your dialogues, especially if the character was screaming, are all in upper caps. For example, from, chapter 1:

"DO YOU THINK IT'S OKAY TO JUST, WANDER AROUND THIS DAMNED NEIGHBORHOOD?! HUH?!" she shrieked as she threw a punch at my left cheek and I fell hard on the tiled floor on my back, causing even more pain in my body.

"Do you think it was fine to just wander around this damned neighbourhood without my knowledge?" she shrieked and threw a punch at my left cheek. She might be a woman, but her strength was of a wrestler. I fell hard on the tiled floor right on my back from the impact. My bones pressed against the floor, and the pain stung my entire body.

Use italics if needed to emphasise on certain words. Too much capitalisation makes it uncomfortable for the eyes to read. Bring out more emotions of the 'screamer', to make it seem like she actually screamed.

Secondly, too. much. dots. Why are you using so many dots, especially they're not needed in most parts? I'll totally accept it if it's just 1 or 2 times, but yours is just too repetitive. In chapter 2:

"SSSHHHH...and what do you mean by 'You're going there too'? Hmm? You're going there as well?" I moaned.

"Shush, not so loud, and what do you mean by you're going there as well?" I whispered in a stern tone, still aware of our surroundings.

If you want to make the dialogue seem draggy, add more descriptive verbs or adjectives after the it. Like, "I complained" or "I whined". For the above sentence, your usage of 'I moaned' sounds inappropriate too. Check the meaning for the exact meaning of a moan. (:

These two problems are really too glaring and repetitive, change it. Do not add punctuations like '~'. It makes your fiction sounds more professional and serious. I'm sure you do you read a book whereby an author uses capitalisation or dots as much as you right? Oh yes, and good job on your POVs, you don't change too much, which is good. ^^

Grammar and spelling: 7.5/10

For your grammar, I gave you a 3 out of 5. Sometimes your use of tenses are quite inconsistent. For instance, in chapter 2:

Her silence was not going to last long. "So where are you going then?" she asked again, but this time more quietly.

-

Chapter 1:

But then all of a sudden, the bed sheets on the doorknob were loose and unwrapped itself from my knot, I gasped. The next thing you know I fell flat on my butt.

Suddenly, the bed sheets loosened itself from the doorknob. Before I could let out a gasp, I fell flat on my butt.

-

Foreword/Chapter 3:

Just thinking about it made me sick. So I shook my head in refusal.

If you want to use past tense, stick to it, not changing tense as and when you feel like it. There are several readers out there who are very observant in these kind of mistakes, so do take note. And for the second mistake that I pointed out. Why did you use 'you'? Shouldn't it be, 'the next thing I knew'? If you want to interact with the readers, it seem rather inappropriate using this method. It makes the sentence really awkward. As for the third mistake, try not to start a sentence with 'So', which is a frequent error I have spotted in your fiction. Use 'thus, therefore, resulting'. Sometimes you can even omit it.

For your spelling, I gave you a 4.5 out of 5! No glaring mistake except 1, which was most probably a typo error. In chapter 1:

I put one leg out to see if I'd be comfortable wit the situation that was going on, I wasn't, so I put out the other leg.

Congratulations for the high mark for spelling! :D

Ending: -/10

No ending yet, it won't be counted in.

Overall enjoyment: 7.5/10

I enjoyed your story in overall. ^^ It was entertaining and fun to read. Some confusing parts though.

Total: 61.5/90 = 68.3/100

Don't be too disappointed! You have good ideas, but work on your writing style. Proof read your work more, especially on your grammar. I really enjoyed your story! :D If you improve on the things I mentioned earlier, you'll definitely improve and gain more subscribers. (: Change your title to something more eye catching, which makes people be tempted to click on your fiction. ^^

Well done! :D